On Planning a Wedding

Well. According to my Wedding Planning book (which I have only opened twice and have, on both occasions, promptly slammed shut in desperation upon skimming the first page), I should be in "crunch mode" right now. We have about eight months to get our everything together for our wedding. According to the book, at about ten months before the wedding (um, TWO MONTHS AGO), we need to book a venue, an officiant, a caterer, a florist, a band, and a photographer .... and I need to find a dress.

We have done none of the above.

But we do have a photographer that we want to book, and we're pretty sure we found the perfect reception site. We just have to make both official.

Whew.

And I am thiiiiis close to sealing the deal on a gown.

As far as the dress goes, the problem is—as one bridal boutique owner stated to me over the phone—that I seem to have champagne taste on a beer budget.

Two weeks ago when my mom was in town, we went to a bridal consignment shop and the only (pre-owned) dress that I sort of liked was by Monique Lhuillier and was the wrong style, wrong size, and would need to be dramatically altered to suit my taste and measurements. Meaning with extensive alterations added to the ridiculous price of the gown, I would have had to sell my car to afford it.

When my sister got into town a few days later, she, my mom, La and I went to two more stores. One was a bridal boutique that had reviews saying that gowns were "affordable." When we got there, we saw exactly why. They felt and looked cheap and tacky. The next store was another consignment shop, and all the dresses were pricey and hideous.

Here's a lovely gem of a gown that was originally priced at $5,000 and had dropped in price over the past year to a meager $1,500.



Good Heavens. Is that thing ugly, or what!

I just had to try it on because, well, you just never know from looking at it on the hanger ... right?

The four of us had quite a laugh when I pulled this number on. Especially when we realized that every time I moved my arms in an upward motion, a "wardrobe malfunction" akin to the Janet Jackson Super Bowl debacle would present itself.

And we aren't having THAT kind of wedding.

I texted Dr P the above photo from the dressing room with the words, "I found THE ONE!" ...  There was a delay in the response and then I got a "That's great! You look gorgeous!" ... And then I realized that he thought I was serious. When I saw him later that day I was like, "Man, wasn't that dress I sent you so awful?" And he was all, "OH THANK GOD YOU'RE NOT WEARING THAT GROSS THING. And what were those weird metal triangles on your boobs?"

I love messing with him.

So I've come to the conclusion that if I want a designer dress (and I do!), it will have to be one that another bride has already worn. And I'm okay with that. My house is full of antiques that have previously been someone else's. My engagement ring is an estate piece. I like stuff that's been previously used and loved! And it doesn't hurt that in the case of bridal gowns, the previously owned versions go for about 60% cheaper.

I've been scouring websites like Once Wed and PreOwnedWeddingDresses.com for weeks now, and I'm pretty sure I've found the PERFECT dress. No, I've never tried it on. And yes, my hip measurement is 1.5 inches larger than the seller's. But all of our other measurements are the same, including height ... So it's all good. Right? Gosh, I hope so!

Either way, it's set to be shipped from the UK on Thursday, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.